So, first of all I have to apologise for my absence over the last month or two. Funny story. I left my radio on the Renault pit wall after a game of poker with Cyril Irritable (or whatever his name is). Cyril must have thought I was leaving him an PU update and tried to install it onto Hulkembergs MGU-H.
It maybe explains why Hulks car was smoking on the start line in Suzuka. My radio now smells of burning plastic. Something I have become quite accustomed to in my wifes 2003 Renault Clio (Its the city sport model you know).
Moving swiftly on...
Sources (not ketchup) close to Rons F1 Radio tell me that a heavy night of Saki, strippers and Karaoke was to blame for the monumental cock up of a strategy during Qualy in Suzuka.
It all started when my bestie Chase Carey (known as 'Chazza' in inner circles) invited the team out to thank them for keeping the ratings up over the last few months. Without Ferrari, F1 would have seriously suffered, providing no entertainment and no team for the F1 fan base to swear at and abuse.
Things got a little out of hand though. One of the Strippers (Meelyke Sum Yung Gy) suggested to Inaki Rueda (Ferrari Race Strategist) that
"you have nice voice. You sing for Meelyke? Meelyke all wet for Inaki baby"
That was it. Inaki had 'wet' on the brain after that.
Thrusting his way to the stage Inaki breaks into song performing a tune from the band 'Wet Wet Wet'.
It wasn't enough that everybody's ears were starting to bleed. Oh no! He decides to do his version of an Eurythmics top ten tune 'here comes the rain again', 'Why does it always rain on me?' by Travis and my personal favourite 'Umbrella' by Rhianna with support on stage from Arrivabene on the ella ella ella eh eh parts. It was f**kin comical.
At one stage there was so much Marlboro smoke from Arrivabene puffing away, I thought they were about to announce the 2019 Ferrari chassis. I had visions of the stage flipping over, strobe lights zooming back and forth with Seb and Kimi standing there with boiled rice, a number 4 Chicken Satay and Prawn Crackers and a Maranello red 2019 F1 car.
So. Skip forward to Saturday Qualy. Everything seems rosey in camp Ferrari (see what I did there?) until the start of Q3.
Hungover with breath like an old mans armpit, Inaki starts scrolling through his Facebook newsfeed and sees himself tagged in a photo with Meelyke with her pants around his forehead. Moments later Arrivabene flicks his cigarette butt at Inaki "eh eh eh....wake up". Inaki wakes up, makes the call for rain and puts the cars out on Inters.
What a Knob.
The moral of this story should be never drink and drive in line with the FIA's initiative on road safety.
I think its fair to say though that what you should take from this is......
........never drink and do Karaoke on a week night.